Decleration of Independence

My declaration of independence. I've broken up with Ed.

" If you were battling cancer, would you try to do it alone? would you refuse to see a doctor, convinced that you could save yourself? would you hide your disease from friends and family, refusing to recieve their support?"

"I thought i was weak if i could not solve my "little" problem on my own. After all, i had done everything else in my life on my own. Why should this be any different?"

all i want to do at this moment is to purge. Get everything out. It shouldn't be there. And you're disgusting Ed says, Ms Perfectionist whispers that i should just be quiet. If no one knows about this, no one will know you have a problem. Flush water so no one will hear you, get it out.

Ed is like the abusive boyfriend you're too scared to leave. Because you're worthless if you'd leave him. He's what making you real, what's making you special. He's like the friend who likes to tell you he's your best friend when you feel totally alone, but not for the good, just to abuse you're feelings "no one would ever like you if i wasn't here with you"

Be Real has beginning to mean something else to me by now, Be Real should be what you see me as.

Ed.

has made me

block out feelings

purge

never feel satisfied, everyone are always better

harmed people close to me

change my morals

have endless worry

think that beauty is for others, not for me

insecurity, not being able to do anything without sweating, apologizing, regretting

You're a fucking low life and i hate you. I hate you for what you've done with me, i hate because you stop me, i hate you because every time i see food i cant think of anything else than whatever i should after, i hate you because you make me cry. I hate you because every time I've purged you tell me I've done something good, but instead that emptiness i'm feeling is just a big hole. You're never satisfied and i'm never good enough. You've made me think that every time i lie to people i do them a favor, i save them from problems or make me think "what you dont have any problems, you're keeping up the good work, that's what you do. If you disobey me, you'd be nothing, no one would like you"

How dare you to be involved in my life. How dare you to be within me.

ED. Eating Disorder. Good Bye. Hello Me.